A note to all my fellow working mamas…

The Balancing Act Nobody Prepared Us For

There’s something uniquely challenging about being a working mom in your 40s that nobody really talks about. It’s like walking a tightrope while juggling – except the rope is invisible, and you’re expected to make it look effortless.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately, watching my friends and clients navigate this complex phase of life. We’re part of what is dubbed the “sandwich generation” – not only are we raising our children and potentially caring for aging parents, but we’re also at a crucial pivot point in our careers. It’s a time when our professional experience finally gives us the credibility we’ve worked for, yet somehow the juggle feels heavier than ever.

The Myth of “Having It All” at Forty

Remember how we grew up hearing we could “have it all”? Well, nobody mentioned that “all” would happen simultaneously in our 40s. We’re dealing with:

Professional peaks colliding with personal demands.

Just as we’re reaching senior positions or launching our dream businesses, our kids are hitting those sophisticated emotional stages that require more subtle, present parenting.

The irony?

We finally have the wisdom to handle both – but there are still only 24 hours in a day.

Physical and emotional transitions: Our bodies are changing, our energy levels are shifting, and we’re processing what it means to age in a youth-obsessed culture.

Meanwhile, we’re expected to maintain the same pace we had in our 20’s and 30’s, if not faster.

The identity puzzle: We’re experts at being everyone else’s everything – the reliable employee, the nurturing mom, the supportive and sexually peaked partner. But somewhere between the school runs and board meetings, we’re also trying to rediscover who we are beyond these roles.

The Hidden Emotional Labor

What strikes me most in my conversations with women is the invisible emotional weight we carry. It’s not just about managing schedules or meeting deadlines.

It’s about:

- Carrying the mental load of remembering every dentist appointment, school event, and work deadline while also tracking our parents’ medical needs

- Processing our own emotions about aging while helping our children navigate their growing pains

- Maintaining professional composure when we’ve been up all night with a sick child or worried about an aging parent

Finding Our Way Forward

What I’m learning, both personally and through my work with women, is that thriving in this stage requires a radical redefinition of success.

It’s about:

Creating a new playbook: The old rules about work-life balance don’t apply anymore.

We need to write our own rules that honor both our ambitions and our limitations.

Building authentic support systems: Not just practical help, but emotional scaffolding that holds space for all our complexities.

This means finding other women who get it, who understand the unspoken challenges of this life stage.

Embracing imperfection: Some days, excellence means simply showing up.

Other days, it means saying no to preserve our energy for what truly matters.

A Personal Note

I find myself returning to this truth: being a working mom in your 40s isn’t about mastering the juggle – it’s about embracing the beautiful mess of it all. It’s about acknowledging that we’re pioneering a new way of living and working, one that future generations of women will build upon.

One that I can be proud to show my daughters some day.

Maybe the real achievement isnt in having it all, but in defining what “all” means to us, on our own terms. And perhaps that’s the most powerful lesson we can pass on to our children – the courage to write our own stories, even when the path ahead isn’t clear. What’s your experience navigating this complex life stage? I’d love to hear your thoughts and stories in the comments below.

A New Framework for Success

Perhaps it’s time we redefine what success looks like at this stage of life. Maybe success isn’t about climbing every ladder simultaneously, but about choosing which rungs matter most on any given day. Maybe it’s about building a support system that allows us to be vulnerable, to ask for help, and to occasionally say '“not today” without guilt.

For every 40-year-old working mom out there who’s wondering if she’s doing enough, know this: You’re not alone in this juggling act. Your struggles are valid, your efforts are seen, and your journey matters. We’re all writing our own chapters in this story, and sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is share our truth with each other. Because at the end of the day, we’re not just surviving this challenging phase – we’re pioneering a new way forward for the generations of working mothers who will follow in our footsteps. And that, despite all the chaos and complexity, is something truly worth celebrating.

I can’t wait to cheer you on,

XOXO,

Shannon